


Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

by Erroneous



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Child Abuse, Depression, F/F, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Self-Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, based on real life experience
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-04 14:15:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3071192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erroneous/pseuds/Erroneous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>tw: self harm, depression and abuse.</p><p>Laura gets sent to a psychiatric hospital after she goes a little too far in mourning her mother's death. When she meets the mysterious Carmilla, maybe there is a little hope to keep going. That is, if Carmilla's snarky remarks don't make her lose her mind.</p><p>Based mildly of my own experiences with mental hospitals.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shadows come with the pain that you're running from

**Author's Note:**

> this a bit of a new work, so hopefully it goes well! It's my first fanfiction so treat me kindly, yeah? This is loosely based off of my own adventure in a mental hospital so it'll be as accurate as I remember it to be from a couple months ago. Enjoy!

Laura laid on her bathroom in a bloody heap of limbs splayed out across the tile. There was a rapid pulsing spreading through her wrists as fresh red stained her newly opened flesh. Laura's father burst in the room, quickly assessing the situation with a silent curse under his breath. He did what any protective father would and whipped out his phone. "Hello, operator? Y-yes, my daughter is unconscious on the floor... I- I think she hurt herself! Her wrists, they're slashed..." Resistance was futile she supposed, and let herself fall into the blurry haze she'd been fighting as a rush of paramedics flooded the scene. 

The bandages were really starting to get on Laura's nerves. Wrapped tightly around her forearms securely, she couldn't scratch the scars beneath them. She'd asked the nurses several times and they'd refuse the lift the bandages, as the wounds could "trigger another conflict to prolong her stay". It was all bullshit to say the least. It wasn't like Laura hadn't experienced the sight of blood. After all, the marks scattering her body were of her own creation. It wasn't the first time, either. She'd been visiting a therapist since her mother passed to help her grieve, but she considered the unceremonious slashing with her shaving razor a much more comforting tool than yoga or therapeutic breathing exercises. Laura scoffed at the thought and rolled over to sleep off the overdramatic actions of her father for sending her to the ER in the first place. When she woke up, a woman in a lab coat stood in her room waltzing around her bed, occasionally noting the abrasions Laura had self induced and scribbled a quick note on her clipboard. The severity didn't seem to phase her. Just a daily routine, she'd suppose. Laura felt the stitches in many of the wounds. Had she really lost that much control? She's usually so careful. The woman in the coat now took note of her patient's awakening, obviously not a newsworthy breakthrough to add to the clipboard. "Good afternoon, Ms. Hollis. I'm Dr. LaFerry. I'll be handling your transfer." The woman said, an air of strict professionalism in her tone. "My transfer..? To where?" Dr. LaFerry was quick to reply, "To Willow Creek Hospital, ma'am. It's a psychiatric hospital not too far from here. Your father signed the paperwork a half hour ago, so we'll leave when you're ready. A transport van will drive us to Willow Creek; It's just a few blocks down." "Uh, yeah, umm, lemme just..." Laura made a move to stand, but as soon as she shifted her full weight to her bare feet on that ice cold floor, it seemed to have opened up the slow healing wounds. Red quickly stained the beige colored bandages covering the deep cuts on her thighs. Wincing, she practically shot back into the bed. "Ah, I see. We'll just let those heal up a bit more until you're ready to be up on your feet."

Laura didn't see why the hospital needed this behemoth of a van if she was the only patient being transported. Laura sat by herself in the back row. The only other occupants of the car were some man who introduced himself as Kirsch and Dr. LaFerry, of course. The doctor fiddled with the radio as she and Kirsch argued on a station. Kirsch just wanted to listen to Blank Space or anything of the 1989 album but Dr. LaFerry was more of a slow jam (or anything but Top 40s) kind of lady. When they finally neared their destination, Laura took a good look at her new temporary residence. The building itself looked like your standard office space, but it was the barbed wires aligning the courtyard and the numerous security cameras that made it feel like a jail. A painful admission process involving a strip search and a disgustingly detailed and intrusive assessment later, Laura is finally ready to enter the Patient wing of the hospital. A nurse is explaining the rundown of the hospital. Go to bed at curfew, go to group therapy, follow the point system. To be honest, it was a lot to take in. Passing through the courtyard, they finally made it to their destination. "Alright, ma'am! This is where you'll be staying for the next few days. Welcome to Unit 12!" "She says it like I've won the bloody lotto." Laura muttered. 

The place was a bit of a dump. Old, outdated couches sit skewed around with battered coffee tables to complete the look of abandoned waiting room of a clinic from the 1980's. Encouragement posters and boards that displayed the rules of the unit adorned the walls as if to cover the cracking paint smothering the cinder block cage she was in. A bunch of girls sit in a TV room, all wearing bored expressions, as a therapist explained the rules of an activity they were about to start.  
"Alright, ladies-" 

A red headed kid with short buzzed hair loudly coughed.

"Oh, I apologize, LaFontaine. I mean... Alright, Ah, people today we'll be playing count up."

"One, two. There's two letters in up, sweetheart. Can I go back to bed now?"quipped a beautiful girl with black hair and a mutual expression, making her hard to read. The girl could be seducing you or leading you to an untimely demise and you would never be the wiser. She had her combat boots with the laces removed propped up on the empty chair next to her. Of course the laces were gone, Laura thought. On her way in, the nurses removed anything potentially "dangerous". Sharp objects, zippers, jewelry, shoe laces, comfort. Laura felt that the place felt more like a prison than a hospital. The mystery girl seemed to notice her staring.

"Ah, a new girl joins this living hell we call Unit Twelve. Welcome, cupcake. The name's Carmilla." A smirk danced across her lips as she performed an overdramatic curtsy.

"My name is Laura. It's a pleasure to meet you." Was it, though? Something about her said Carmilla was about to ruin her whole life while the rest was perfectly fine with that. "Well, their introduction is done, let's all introduce ourselves, yeah? I'm Mrs. Zeta. I'm the therapist of this unit here at Willow Creek. Hmm.. Let's all say our names, our age, why we're here and our.... favorite Ice cream flavors!" A collective groan filled the room. "No complaining or we'll all be going to our rooms until lunch!" shot back Ms. Zeta. "Would that be so terrible?" drawled Carmilla, now hanging upside down in her seat with a book in hand. "Well if you're so EAGER to participate, why don't you choose our first volunteer?" "Now that I can do!" Carmilla replied, suddenly eager to participate in society. "LaF kicks is off." 

The short haired one from before sat up from their slouched position."Alright, K. Um, hey my name is LaFontaine. I'm 16. I'm here for depression and suicidal thoughts. I've been here for a while. I arrived about a couple days after Carmilla. It's been I'd say 2 weeks now. Yeah, Carm and I are veterans here I'd suppose. And I guess my favourite flavour is... Rocky road?"they said. 

Next, had a ginger girl with curly locks wearing a turtleneck. She softly spoke, " Hi, I'm Perry. I'm 16. I'm here for OCD and my favourite flavour is Vanilla Bean." 

A girl who Laura was pretty sure taller than her simply sitting down spoke up "Hey, nice to have you here- well not- but... Ah, anyway. I'm Danny. I'm 17. I'm here for ADHD and medication adjustment. I like Mint chocolate chip." She said finishing in a flustered blush, fiddling with her fingers as if trying to permanently tangle them. "Haha nice, Xena!" Carmilla piped up, Danny playfully hit her with the back of her hand as she recovered from her embarrassment. It was odd seeing this. Even in the strange situation they're all in, everyone seems to be laughing and joking like...friends. Even Carmilla.

She was brought out of her thoughts as Carmilla snapped her fingers in her face with an airy chuckle. "There we go. Thought I'd lost you there, cupcake. As I was saying, I'm Carmilla and I'm 17. I'm here for Depression and self harm. Before you judge me on that, I didn't really cut for the pain. I guess I was addicted to the blood, you know? They all think I'm crazy. These guys all think I'm a vampire." But Laura totally got it. It was almost morbidly fascinating with each shallow wound. She shook her head. "No, Laura! You're here to get help!" She scolded herself. "..and I've always been a sucker for dark chocolate." Carmilla continues while Laura was locked in her head. As she finished she looked toward Laura and waved her hand in a "go on" way. 

"Hello, I'm Laura. I'm 17 and I'm here for self harm and depression, as well. I like Cookies and Cream."

"Yay!" Ms. Zeta cheered. She seemed to be the only one with actual enthusiasm to be here. "Now let's talk about..." Ugh, it'll be a looong time before Laura can get herself out of this one.


	2. Love Was Something You Never Heard Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: self harm and depression
> 
> Laura gets sent to a psychiatric hospital after she goes a little too far in mourning her mother's death. When she meets the mysterious Carmilla, maybe there is a little hope to start again. That is, if Carmilla's snarky remarks don't make her lose her mind.
> 
> Based mildly of my own experiences with mental hospitals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the last chapter got good response! I'd like to thank you for the kind comments and it looks like I'll be completing the series. I might do it OITNB style with a backstory from the characters, then back to the main storyline. But only on occasion.

"Get in here, you little shit!" 

Maman was having another mood swing. They happen every now and when she wakes up from being blackout drunk, Maman goes back to being her lazy, useless self. A five year old Carmilla cowers in a coat closet with her eyes shut as tight as she could squeeze them. It was dark and footsteps shuffled outside of the door. They were uncoordinated and inconsistent. Carmilla winced, knowing Maman would be less kind in her fit of rage when she was found if she was intoxicated. Her heart sped up when the clunky feet stopped outside her place of hiding. The wooden door swung open as Maman threw her bottle of jack against the wall of the closet, showering a young Carmilla in bits and pieces of broken glass. She was yanked up so hard, Maman's fingernails made deep impressions in the girl's thin winter coat. All she could remember is letting out a cry for help that never came and the hard strike of a fist against her cheekbone.

Carmilla, now 16, sprinted down a back alley with a quickening pace. She panted into the cold, brisk air. She'd done this at least a thousand times but it never calmed her nerves. She'd hustled another suitor into a reasonable sum of money. Should last her and Maman another week for food, maybe get Will another pair of shoes and some medicine for his cough if the weight of the duffle bag adds up. A strong arm wrapped around her waist and slammed Carmilla on the filthy cement. "That's the last time, Karnstein." The burly man said, his badge gleaming under the city lights. That terrifying red and blue light flooded the tight alley. Not even the mice in the dumpsters dare defy it. "You have to admit, the money's not going to waste. It's taken from bad people and given to a family who needs it. Come on, Officer Sheridan. You know Will is sick. He won't get better without that medicine!"Carmilla pleaded him as she was plopped in the backseat. "It doesn't make your stealing any better, Carmilla." He sounded exhausted from patrolling the Styrian streets all night. They had a bit of history with meeting under unfortunate circumstances at this time of night. Carmilla got into the con game after it became blatantly obvious her mother couldn't support her with solely being a raging drunk passed out on the couch. Maman herself had a reputation running around town for her alcoholism and violent acts on her children. Local businesses pitied that and gave Carmilla employment, but with Will's growing sickness, she would need much more than minimum wage to pay for his treatment. She would pose prostitution, asking customers to pay up front for her services, then took off running. After her employers found out about what she was doing after she left their walls at night, they were quick to fire her, evil mother or not. Something about her potentially ending up just like her mother. Carmilla knew she was nothing like that monster, no matter what they said. She just wanted to keep the only family, aside from her failure of a mother, alive. No matter what it took.

Carmilla was now 17. After Will died, her kind heart seemed to harden as she masked her grief with a death stare and biting sarcasm. She blamed herself for his death. If she had the funds... If her rotten mother actually cared for her children's wellbeing, he'd still be here. She often lost herself in a bottle of gin, attending parties, seducing girls she had no feelings for. Anything to forget the past. The blades added a new layer of complication to things.

"Carmilla, you need help!" Officer Sheridan pleaded with her. In a drunken haze, she stumbled around his office with her hands cuffed behind her back. "I love it when you plead for me, cupcake. You act like you're my father or some crap!" She laughed humorlessly, kicking her leather boots up on his desk and dropping into a leather chair adjacent to him, knocking over a portrait of his picture perfect family. His gaze softened, "Well, I could be." He goes to the picture frame on the floor and holds it up for her to see. "You see that little girl? That's my baby girl, Ell. And that boy next to her, that's my little punk of a son, We call him JP. He's a little rough around the edges but I have hopes of him becoming a strapping young gentleman one day." He looks at the photo with great adoration. "W- where's your wife?" Carmilla asked, generally curious. "She died in a fire back in '09. Building collapsed before they could even attempt to rescue her. I loved her so, so much." She nodded with understanding. She could relate to that faraway look in his eyes as he remembered all the good times with a fallen loved one. Carmilla could tell he was a good man. With their late night coffee shop talks after he, yet again, caught her in her acts of dishonesty to the look of pure joy when he spoke of his children. She knew he would treat her far better than Maman ever could. "I'll join your family, Officer Sheridan. I trust you" Carmilla replied whole heartedly. It was the first time in a very long time that she had even the slightest spark of kindness in her eyes.

"That's Dad to you, Carmilla. And as my first act as your father, I'm taking you to get help." Gesturing to the scars on her wrists, her bruising shiner courtesy of her mother, her obvious intoxication. She sighed, knowing it was coming. "Where do I start?" Wordlessly, he dropped a pamphlet in her lap. 'Willow Creek Psychiatry'. She was in and out of that bloody place several times as Carmilla had tendencies of going back to old habits and finding it impossible to re-break them.

 

Carmilla snaps back into reality as she stares into the book she clearly wasn't reading. Stupid flashbacks, they never go away. It was past curfew in Unit 12 and she knew she should probably head back to her room instead of lingering in the TV room. The nurses allowed her to stay up reading as long as she woke up on time for medications in the morning. She stretched and sauntered over to room 1207. She paused to find the lights on and a delirious Laura silently sobbing in the corner. "Excuse me but who the hell are you?"Laura demanded, not bothering to turn around.

"I'm your new roommate, sweetheart."Carmilla smiled, a certain kindness to her voice as she sat on the edge of Laura's bed. "I cried like a little bitch on my first night, too. Wanna talk about it?" Laura shook her head. "Well... How about Willow Creek, huh?" Carmilla said with obvious sarcasm. "The place is a nightmare, huh!" Laura laughed and the girls launched into Carmilla telling her oddest hospital stories from her numerous stays and Laura asking questions on how the unit worked. "So, what's the point system?"Laura queried. Carmilla laughed inwardly, such a rookie." It's basically doing what you're told: wake up for vitals, (although they'll wake you up occasionally in the night, just to make sure you're still alive, by waving a flashlight in your face),eat your meals (and if you didn't they'd assume you have an eating disorder and force feed you with a tube down your throat), and do your hygienes. Basically, live life in here like you don't have psych problems and they might just let you go earlier if there's no sign that you won't walk out of this place and jump off a bridge."  
This went on for hours as Carmilla filled her in on the do's and don't's. Don't touch people, they'll assume your strangling them or starting a lesbian relationship. Do act like you love life in group, as the therapist will put in a good word to your doctor and shorten your stay. all is well. The sun is shining, the flowers are blooming! EVERYTHING IS FINE. Don't try to run, they'll have every male nurse and security guard in the hospital on your ass before you can hop the fence, believe her she tried. Laura laughed at that last one, imagining Carmilla scaling the barb wired fence and the fat security guards breathlessly chasing after her. "I was almost the first one to actually do it, some of the older nurses call me Catmilla for my speed in climbing that chainlink so high"She said, chuckling at her younger self. "I guess you could say, at this age I got good at running.

"What do you mean?" 

"A story for another time, cupcake."

"Wh-" The lights clicked and Laura knew the moments were over as Carmilla feigned slumber.


	3. How To Fix Up A Heart That I Let Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: self harm and depression
> 
> Laura gets sent to a psychiatric hospital after she goes a little too far in mourning her mother's death. When she meets the mysterious Carmilla, maybe there is a little hope to start again. That is, if Carmilla's snarky remarks don't make her lose her mind.
> 
> Based mildly of my own experiences with mental hospitals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Got a little writer's block but here we go! If anyone has any suggestions for the story, don't be shy to drop a comment below and who knows? It might end up in the next chapter!
> 
> Random thought: AO3 allows 50,000 characters per chapter. Who the hell uses 50,000 characters. I could write a novel!

Laura shivered underneath the thin, useless excuse of a blanket the hospital supplied. This place could constitute as a functional meat locker. After Carmilla 'fell asleep', Laura tried desperately to get a wink of sleep. The fact that the girl that she just met today in bed next to her offered her comfort put a bit of Laura's mind to ease, but here she lays at four AM, wide awake. After what seemed like an eternity, a nurse flipped the blanket off from over her head. The cool air hit her almost as fast as the fluorescent lights hit her eyes.

"Alright, get up, Hollis! It's 6:30. Line up in the hall with the other girls for vitals."

Carmilla lazily bumbles around the room, searching for her shoes and wiping the sleep from her eyes.

"You better make your bed and get moving, creampuff. If we sleep any longer, the nurses will lose their shit."

As she carelessly threw the covers over her cot and slid out the room.  
Laura, on the other hand, refused to have her bed look like an eyesore like Carmilla's. With a bit more care, but still with haste, she made both girls' beds. Perhaps Carmilla will owe her one in the future.

Sprawled out on the couches were three girls, not including Carmilla. They all look exhausted.

LaF sat up from their curled up position in a ratty looking lounger, saying, "Ugh, can you guys keep it down if you're going to stay up until the ungodly hours of the night?"

Carmilla stuck her head out of the bathroom door with a toothbrush sticking out of her mouth. 

"You can blame cupcake over there!"

Danny stretched and lightly punched her on the shoulder. 

"Hey how'd you sleep on the unit? First nights are always rough. I'm surprised you didn't ask the nurse for sleep meds to knock you out!"

Laura looked dumbfounded, "You can do that?! Don't you have to get prescribed or something?"

Carmilla sauntered by with her some extra toothbrushes and travel shampoo bottles in hand. As she joined the group, she sarcastically added "Oh please, the nurses here throw medications at people like men throw money at strippers. It just the way the world works, cutie."

Passing all she had in hand to Laura, "Here's a little mental patient's starter kit. You better go do your hygienes. One step closer to a green band!" Carmilla said waving a green bracelet, entirely too loose on her, around.

"What's that?"Laura queried, now noticing they all were wearing them.

Holding up their own, LaF piped up "It basically let's you leave the unit to go out to the courtyard and actually breathe unprocessed air. Oh! And you can go to the cafeteria!"

Laura's eyes widened, "Wait, but I don't have one. Does that mean I have to stay here and starve?!"

Danny placed a hand on her shoulder, chuckling "No, Laura. Right now you're on blue so you'll stay here and eat what the nurses bring back for you."

Carmilla glared at Danny's hand, "Watch your boundaries, Big Red. Don't let Nurse Natalie see."

Danny shot back her hand back, looking around with general fear in her eyes. "Ugh, I can't afford to be on blue band again."

Nurse Natalie turned out to be a tiny asian lady in pink butterfly printed scrubs. Laura really couldn't see why everyone was so afraid of her, even Carmilla. That was, until the nurse actually spoke,

"Stop standing there like a waste of space! Actually make something of every day!"

The woman literally threw her shoe at the group. Needless to say everyone quickly shuffled off to do their hygienes.

Carmilla was the only one left. Holding the lady's foul smelling size four, she chucked right back at her and effectively knocked over her coffee and a stack of her magazines. If hell had a smirk, Ms. Karnstein wore it triumphantly on her face. Nurse Natalie was twice as evil, she picked up the phone and shouted "Code Green, Unit Twelve!" 

Almost immediately, three other nurses injected her with something people liked to dub "booty juice", which a sedative that made its victim loopy before the drugs dragged them under into a deep sleep for several hours. 

Carmilla continued to dance around, even after her second injection yelling at the top of her lungs, "VIVA LA FRANCE!" with a towel wrapped around her neck like a cape. It wasn't until she kicked a stack of napkins into the air and drew male genitalia on all the windows that they finally put her in the isolation room to cool down. Yep, the white padded room where crazy people in straitjackets go to lose their minds.

LaFontaine and Danny laughed hysterically from their doorway of their shared room at Carmilla's usual antics. Laura on the other hand was in a mix of shock and laughing along with them. Shaking her head, she went back to brushing her teeth.

After a disgusting breakfast of water based scrambled eggs and what Laura prays is sausage, Ms. Zeta walks in Unit 12, heels clicking against tile and a radiant smile that you could help but grin back.

"Time for group, people! Rally to the TV room! Where's Ms. Karnstein?"

LaF plopped into their usual spot, twirling a pencil around their finger. Danny and Perry sitting on either side of them. Laura threw herself down in the row across from them, wincing as her wounds hit the chair. 

"Woah, take it easy, crushes on vampires!"LaF said, slowing their twirling. "Anywho, Carm had a little incident with everyone's favourite nurse, Nurse Natalie."

It was Ms.Zeta's turned to wince. "Ah, would you care to elaborate on that?"

LaFontaine wore a Cheshire grin as they recalled Carmilla's little episode this morning. 

"Carm never does that unless she's rebelling for a cause. It's probably our new friend Laura here making her go all soft!"

Laura blushed furiously, "Wh-what? I didn't..."

"Oh you're entirely too sweet, Laura. Carmilla has never been this nice to the new girls that walk in and out of this place. The exception being us three. She always glares them down and keeps to herself." Danny says, slouching over to meet everyone else's height, instead of her usual bird's eye view.

Perry finally pipes up, straightening the chair next to her. What comes out is hardly a whisper, "S-she must really like you if she's so kind from the start." 

She's breathless and shaking by the end, her nerves getting the best of her. LaFontaine wraps a comforting arm around Perry's shoulders, pressing a kiss to her temple. Almost immediately, Perry visibly relaxes.

Laura has an eyebrow raised at Danny, peaking with curiosity.

Danny simply crosses her fingers together. She mouths, "They're together." Eyeing Ms. Zeta carefully, who was more focused on her clipboard than the interaction. Dating inside the unit was a slight taboo. You were forbidden from passing contact information to other patients (not that it stopped anyone). Even if you managed to sneak a phone number through, where the other girl lived could range from down the street to hours away. It was always hard to tell. 

"That was good, Perry! You're really starting to come out of your shell nowadays!" Ms. Zeta was genuinely happy for her. Perry had always been a bit more closed off since recently.

You see, outside these barbed wire fences, Perry was a bit of a piano prodigy. For hours on end, she slaved over the keys in hopes of pleasing her father. 

Swat, swish. Her father's cane nipping the tip of the keys, millimetres from her hand. Perry sighed, she knew this was his way of saying he wasn't pleased at all. Here she was, an eleven year old girl, stuck inside while other children frolicked outside, actually enjoying their childhoods. Most girls her age would be playing with with dolls or engaging in a sport. Lola? She was trapped in her basement, gracefully sliding her fingers across cracking ivory from years of use. This caused Perry to strive for perfection, everywhere she went for fear of a nip from father's cane.

This mentality carried over in her every day life. She would make her bed over three times before it even mildly pleased her standards. Straightening her nightstand, pushed and inch out of place during the night in her slumber. Everything had to look nice for her father. She would earn none of his love without his approval. 

Her father tried to get her into singing, just like her mother before she passed. He ended up swatting her throat, furiously yelling that she'd never compare to her. He always compared her to her mother. It was always a battle to meet her mother's level of potential. 

Perry was taken out of her father's custody after authorities discovered the severe mental and emotional abuse that evil man inflicted on her. She still flinches every time Ms. Zeta's heels click into the floor. A reminder of the cruel man that raised her. When the nurses asked for her name, she immediately called herself by her foster parents' surname. Perry no longer wanted to be affiliated with her painful past any longer than she had to.

Carmilla drowsily stumbled into the room, supported by a nurse. She was carefully lowered down into a chair next to Laura's.

"Hey, cupcake." Carmilla spoke through hooded eyes. She turned to address the rest of the group with a sloppy grin. "Hooligans."

"Well now that the gangs all here, let's start group. Today we'll be talking about sacrifice. Who has a slight idea of what that means?" Ms. Zeta queries, not wanting to waste anymore time. 

Carmilla seemed to tense, white knuckles gripping the arm rest. Flashes of Will coughing up blood, Will pleading to end his suffering. Her fingers threaded through her locks, the overwhelming memorize were suffocating. She didn't even notice that the whole group had jumped to their feet and watched with concern as Carmilla heaved heavily, she looked paler than before.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ms. Zeta challenged. She had a way of being empathetic one second and extremely professional the next. She could turn from a friend or a companion to a stone faced business by the flick of a switch. That's all they were really, dollars into someone else's pockets. 

"Sacrifice is giving up something: Your happiness, your sleep, your life to help someone else. I should know, I gave up my education to help my brother. H-he was sick... My mother couldn't support him. I left high school to work three jobs to pay for his medicine."

Now that, Laura didn't know.

"Did he get any better?" Laura spoke before thinking. God, she wished she couldn't bite her goddamn tongue off and hide in a hole.

"He's been dead for two years. So, no. He never got better. He only got worse."


	4. Tell me where do you go when you feel afraid?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: self harm and depression
> 
> Laura gets sent to a psychiatric hospital after she goes a little too far in mourning her mother's death. When she meets the mysterious Carmilla, maybe there is a little hope to start again. That is, if she can break down Carmilla's walls long enough to let herself into her heart.
> 
> Based mildly of my own experiences with mental hospitals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a bit of a request last chapter for some Laura and LaF action so here's to you, friend! I'm also really loving the feedback on my writing because I really do want to make this as good as possible for you guys. So don't feel shy to drop some suggestions or requests for the storyline in the comments! I take all comments into consideration.

-

"He's been dead for two years. So, no. He never got better. He only got worse."

Carmilla really wanted to bolt in this moment. Everyone was finally seeing her dark past. It felt foreign. She felt... vulnerable. She loathed the anxiety it brought her.

As usual,she hid her fears in a snarky remark. "Not that you'd care, cupcake."

Laura's eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

Carmilla began to fidget in her chair. She couldn't seem to keep her emotions under lock and key, this time. She had to get out. This atmosphere of an aggressive therapist, a squad of gingers, and an tiny gay who couldn't keep her mouth shut was becoming too overwhelming.

"This generation doesn't understand obligation! To pick up important tasks at the age of fourteen when your stupid mother should've! None of you!" Carmilla ranted, storming towards the door. 

Of all people to stand up and chase after her, she didn't expect it to be Laura. Laura always looked like she wanted to be as neutral as Switzerland, yet Carmilla could admit; The girl had a spark.

"Excuse me? I don't know pain?! Fuck, I gave myself pain every day. It's the reason I'm in this god forsaken place! I know pain like the back of my hand because of the scars I place there."

For the first time since Laura stepped through the metal doors of Unit 12, hell, since she woke up in the hospital, she rolled up her sleeves and slid down the bandages encasing her forearms. They twisted around the flesh it marked like a snake enraptured on a victim. The only difference? The victim was full and willing to be whisked away, to fates unknown. 

The guilt game could be played by both parties. Carmilla tugged up her shirt. Her ribs seemed to poke out, except one that looked like it had been broken but never set back in place. Strange circular burn marks charred her pale flesh and the girl had jagged slashes lashing across her body, especially on her back.

Carmilla pointed to the burn mark on the back of her hand. She seemed to scoff at the memories it brought back. 

"My mother made every single one, except the wrists. This is a cigarette burn from when I was five."   
She shifted her body to emphasize the marks on her back.  
"These are the belt lashes from when I got home late from school. I was 10, then." 

Finally, Carmilla tugged down the black fabric of her cotton shirt. A solemnly turned her back to the group. Her mind slowly sauntering off with the ghosts off her past, taunting her with the pain she worked so hard to bury. Laura looked ashamed for the bite in her tone earlier. It's often easy to forget that every person in this hospital is fighting their own demons. Some more evil than others.

"The worst kind of pain is the kind you know you don't deserve, but you accept it because you know there's no way to stop it." Carmilla voice sounded tight, but her face remained solid as stone.

Ms. Zeta seems to glance around the room to let everyone soak in her words, let everyone have their "cosmic moment of epiphany".

"We all have experienced sacrifice, I see. We often associate sacrifice with pain, yes?"

Another pause, as if she actually thought someone would answer. 

"We accept pain because we must sacrifice something of our own, for someone else to protect them. Carmilla you said that earlier, I believe. We could fight back, but the retaliation is worse than just standing down. Let's all think about that today. Some battles must be lost to win the war."

Ms. Zeta's shoulders seemed to relax visibly as she let out a deep breath. She clasped her hands, as if to regain composure from the gravity of group today. She really had planned a worksheet, maybe a feelings chart or two, not a heated argument. Oh well, tis the joy of group therapy with a bunch of hormonal teenage girls.

"Well, that concludes our group for today! Let today's lesson sit with you for today." Ms. Zeta rushingly packed her stuff and scurried off to her next appointment, the pager strapped to her belt already blaring in the distance.

Everyone kind of wordlessly fanned out to different corners of the unit, no one really up for a chat. Carmilla had shut the door, locking out Laura. Laura wandered around aimlessly, not really sure of what to do until she caught a glimpse of LaFontaine sitting on their bed with their back propped up on the brick wall behind them. Laura hesitated before knocking on the door.

"Hey, hi! I, um was just wondering if... Actually, you know what I-"

LaF let out a good natured laugh. "Yes, before you say it. Yes, I do remember you."

"Really?"

"How could I not? You saw me when I was invisible."

-

 

"You stupid-" A punch to the temple. "Little-" Swift kicks to the ribs. "queer." Wait it's not over, the muddy boots stomp on their hand with a sickening crunch. LaFontaine, a bloody carcass at this point, is hauled of the ground. They're brought to eye level with the boy in the varsity jacket. His saliva coats their cheek with malice. Oh, what a cliché LaFontaine was caught in. The school's star athlete bullies the kid with practically no friends, well with the exception of her pen pal, JP.

"You think you can cut your hair, dress up like a gay prostitute and think you belong?" The boy, Thomas, demanded. "'I just wanna be a real boy!' Wake up, kid! You were born a girl! Act like one!"

All the kids gathered in the hallway, some even daring to pull out their phones. What fun to watch the outcast get publicly humiliated. Why not post it online? Perhaps get a couple views. Thomas gave one last kick to the groin with the heel of his boots. 

"You see that, you stupid fag?! You don't have the balls to be one of the guys! Get your head out of your ass!"

The idiot had the nerve to high five one of his buddies and dissipate into the crowd. LaFontaine laid there with blood mercilessly flowing from their nose and tricking to the carpet. They bit their lip hard enough to draw blood. LaF refused to groan in pain, they refused to look weak. Better not give them satisfaction.

LaFontaine is pulled out of their griping to a hand addressing the bruising head wound and pressing a tissue to her horrendously cracked nose. LaFontaine looked up to find the girl with the long sleeves from her AP Bio class. The girl always sat in the back row. They think her name was... Lois, Layla? No... Ah, Laura. She used to be so happy in middle school, but freshman year, Laura seemed to keep more to herself these days. She must be lonely, LaF should know the feeling of isolation like an old friend by now. 

The moment of actual kindness was ended quicker then it began. As soon as her nose finished its rendition of "cry me a river", Laura stood up and scurried off to her next class. LaFontaine just sat there with an entire box of Kleenex and a wad of used, bloody tissues wondering how a stranger could even bother showing them an ounce of kindness and hobbled off to the Nurse's office. This would definitely hurt in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit into LaFontaine's story! I know I'm totally ignoring a couple characters but don't worry, their stories are coming up. also, this is Hollstein centric and laferry will be minorly. Sorry, but let me know if you wanted more LaFerry in the story!


	5. Standing out from the list of the things I've done.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: self harm, depression and abuse.
> 
> Laura gets sent to a psychiatric hospital after she goes a little too far in mourning her mother's death. When she meets the mysterious Carmilla, maybe there is a little hope to start again. That is, if Carmilla's snarky remarks don't make her lose her mind.
> 
> Based mildly of my own experiences with mental hospitals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, people! Ive been feeling a little down lately, but I'm bouncing back. I've been really stuck with this story but Ive got some new ideas on the near horizon. The story I've got lined up is way different than I wanted but I think it'll be a little bit more interesting. 
> 
> As always, drop a comment with suggestions or feedback and I'll try my best to respond!

Laura was kind of shocked LaFontaine could even remember something as small as being handed a tissue, like that. 

LaF let out an airy chuckle, "It was kinda the only nice thing anyone's ever done for me... Well, ever."

"Well, when we get out of here, I have your back now, huh?" Laura says with her geeky grin, sticking out a pinky.

What a dork, LaF thought. 

"Whatever you say, crushes on vampires." LaFontaine jokes, hooking in their pinky.

Laura blushes furiously, "I w-wouldn't say crushing..."

LaF raises and eyebrow and shakes their head, chuckling to themselves. "Take it easy, Hollis. Just... Take it easy with her. For seventeen, that girl has been through more hell than most adults."

"We all have or we wouldn't be in here." A voice said gruffly.

Danny walks into the room, rubbing a towel through her hair.

-

 

Danny knew she lied about why she was here in group. She didn't want them to know, honestly. It was kind of embarrassing. She didn't lie about the ADHD; she'd been taking a medication for it since she was a child. What got her dropped in here? Well, that was a different story.

It was an after party for the girls' basketball team's ninth win in a row, making them undefeated all season. The team captain, Sadie, had invited practically the whole school to cram the suburban streets with pick up trucks and muscle cars and all gather in her house for a night of regret and killer hangovers in the morning. Needless to say, she was insanely hammered. Danny stumbled around in the sea of people sipping on drinks people passed her, clapping her on the back for that winning three pointer. Danny knew she probably shouldn't take them, but at this point, any better judgement was buried beneath three tequila shots, definitely spiked punch, and an endless stream of beer in red solo cups. Except that last one, she had no idea what that was. It tasted... Different. Bitter, almost. Something didn't feel right, but nonetheless Danny lost herself in some horrible trap remix of the Top 40's.

She sobered up pretty quickly when a couple Lacrosse players tied her down to a bed in a bedroom. 

Danny wanted to scream, but she couldn't with the towel they shoved in her mouth. They were all obviously intoxicated, no such care was taken when they brutally sexually assaulted her and left Danny in drunken tears. A couple stumbled into the room a couple minutes later with their faces practically glued together. The music cut when the girl screamed bloody murder and the cops followed suit shortly after.

After a brief interrogation, Danny admitted to being to intoxicated to remember the men who assaulted her and was charged for underage drinking.

School started up on Monday with rumors flying left and right of the girl who ruined the greatest rager of the year because she refused to let a couple guys "get some". People bumped her in the hall and coughed "slut" and "whore" as she passed by. The coaches found out about her little escapade and kicked her off the team, saying they couldn't have that kind of reputation representing their team. Danny only numbly nodded and handed in her jersey.

Danny was a tough girl, she could take it. 

The taunting got worse, some prick posted her address online and actually encouraged people to bully her senseless. Egged garages, soaped windows, TP'd rooftops, anything to taunt her. All of her social media was flooded with rude comments and death threats. Telling her life is already over, she might as well off herself. So attempt, she did.

She left a note for her parents and her little brother, Jamie. One day, he'd understand. Danny was tying a rope, she'd found it in her father's tool shed in the backyard, to her ceiling fan when her parents had found her note and were banging on the bedroom door mercilessly. When their voices faded to call the police, she jumped off her desk chair. All she could she was red. 

Danny Lawrence woke up in Unit 12 and the rest is history.

-

"I heard about you!" Laura jumps up. "You go to West Green High, right? You were the talk of the town!"

Danny scoffs, "I used to. I'll probably be home schooled once I'm out, knowing my mom."

A nurse lazily yells from her office, "don't forget there's s lunch at 5, ladies!" And goes back to thumbing through her magazine.

LaFontaine tenses at being labelled something they're not. Their scowl washes away at a sudden thought. 

"Oh, Laura! Quick! Before the nurses come to check on us!" LaF hops up and practically dumps her on Danny's bed with an unceremonious thump. Laura and Danny just sit, wide eyed.

LaFontaine blushes, "I don't want them to think I'm up to another... You know, thing."

Danny bursts out laughing at the memory they're hinting at while Laura is twice as confused as before.

Danny sobers, wiping away a tear and drapes her arm around Laura, pointing at LaF. "So basically, this kid had a little 'intimate moment' with Perry in one of the showers. Now the nurses think LaF is trying to stick a hand down everyone's pants."

LaF sits up defensively, "Which is ridiculous! I- I'm a.. One lover at a time kind of person!"

Danny lowly giggles into Laura's ear. "Apparently she's not a one finger at a time kind of person either."

Both Laura and LaF blush scarlet.

Hours past of Danny mercilessly teasing LaFontaine and whispering embarrassing stories of LaF's failed rendezvouses with their girlfriend into Laura's ear. The trio sat laughing and joking like normal friends. Good conversations were enough to make you, at least for a moment, forget where you were and pretend things were normal.

In the back of everyone's mind, they all knew that was a fools paradise.


	6. Tell me 'cause I'm ten feet down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: self harm, depression and abuse.
> 
> Laura gets sent to a psychiatric hospital after she goes a little too far in mourning her mother's death. When she meets the mysterious Carmilla, maybe there is a little hope to start again. That is, if Carmilla's snarky remarks don't make her lose her mind.
> 
> Based mildly of my own experiences with mental hospitals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have gotten back into my writing streak! Huzzah! I just wanted to give a little filler and brotp bonding. Because I honestly think if Carmilla became slightly less broody, they'd all be chums.
> 
> Drop some feedback down below!

A series of code greens kept the residents of Unit Twelve up well into the night. If one unit starts a fight, the others always seem to follow suit. Perry hated these nights the most. She yearned for her first night on the unit. It was calmer than Perry's life had ever been.

After her foster family finally pulled out her past from her, they practically shoved her in the car and slammed the gas pedal over to Willow Creek. They were a young couple who adopted specifically teenagers in need of a place to stay while they figured out their futures. They knew what it was like to be young and afraid with nowhere to go, this is how they help out. 

Apparently Perry's foster mother, Elsie had been a patient here all those years ago and she knew it would benefit Perry magnificently. On the ride over, Elsie calmed her fears by explaining the premise of their programming and lightening the mood by dropping a few tales of her 3 week stay there.

So when, Perry stepped in to the unit, she put on her best face and braved out her first day.

Originally, she was roomed with LaFontaine. Those were the good nights. She slept easy and her fidgeting hands actually stilled to hold a conversation with LaF. Perry finally felt... at peace. Her heart didn't feel like it was pumping lead just to please LaFontaine, they were already so accepting. They always say up and listened intently, even when it was three AM and they were yawning incessantly. Perry told her entire life to LaFontaine and she didn't feel like she had to hide anything, for once. It was a steep change from her father screaming at her ear with little input at all. It was pleasantly different, to say the least. 

After they finally convinced Perry to leave their room after a couple of days, the pair became inseparable. She had trouble warming up to the other girls. Perry mainly kept to herself, with the exception of LaFontaine. When the girls all hung out in the TV room, Perry silently sat by LaF's side tracing circles in back of their hand while the conversation raged on. Carmilla waggled her eyebrows, but LaFontaine thought nothing of it really.

If it was possible, they grew closer. The hour long conversations became all nighters and tracing on hands became kisses on cheeks when the nurses weren't looking. Both were happy, content with not thinking of what would happen when they were both discharged. Was it so wrong to want to extend your stay in a mental hospital for a few more days?

-

LaFontaine never wanted to go to Willow Creek. Hell, they never wanted to be born. It would've been much simpler that way. 

Thomas had somehow recruited the rest of his sports lackeys to assist in his assaults to "help her remember her place."

It was becoming a bit of a cycle, and LaF desperately wanted to break the chain. Every day on the way to lunch, the varsity football team blocked the main hall, while the baseball and lacrosse teams covered the stairways. LaFontaine discovered it was much easier to skip lunch in general and hang out in the handicap bathroom rather than suffer a beating with lacrosse sticks for the umpteenth time this week. The effect started to show significantly. LaF's ribs began to poke out and their stomach growled incessantly in their AP Biology class. LaFontaine even nipped a good chunk of flesh out while dissecting a frog because a loud grumble. They took a deep breath and thought, dropping a couple pounds is better than another explanation to her parents that they "fell down the stairs, again".

LaFontaine knew enough was enough when the captain of the soccer team drove his truck up on the sidewalk, struck them down, and peeled off the curb. They suffered a bruised spine and a dislocated shoulder.

That night, LaF came out to their parents and explained that it wasn't really an open water bottle that spilled on the stairs that caused them to endure such injuries. After trying to sleep it off and having to wake up their mother eight times for pain killers, LaFontaine's parents took a stop at a local hospital and then straight to Willow Creek.

For the first few days, LaFontaine was wheeled around the unit by a nurse before Carmilla finally took pity on them.

"Look, Ging. As much as I love Nurse Wilma sitting in the TV room during our potentially profane conversations, I'll be your escort from now on."

From that day forth, Carmilla wheeled them everywhere claiming, "I'm only doing this because I hated these scrub clad nannies breathing down my neck. Free time is my sacred time away from them, even if it's only ten minutes."

LaFontaine had healed enough to walk on their own, but at this point, Carmilla had nothing else to do but mindlessly rant about the stupidity of today's youth while LaFontaine flipped through Netflix. 

Life spiced up slightly when Danny arrived, LaF needed a break from listening to Carmilla read her books from the eighteenth century aloud while they tried to watch Tarzan.  
Carmilla was a little intimidated by the Amazon, but after learning their mutual love for hating on pop culture and the media, LaF began to find their banter become rather endearing.  
They would sit in the TV room, with Carmilla sitting on a chair propped up against the door, making their way through Ink Masters. 

The mental hospital's Holy Trinity was shaken when the new girl, Jordan, arrived. 

-

Carmilla hated her to say the least. The girl was moody, overly emotional, and extremely naïve. How could one reach the age of fifteen, yet be so oblivious. The nurse caught her in the courtyard after she tried, and tragically failed, to escape. The girl failed to realize that it was legitimately in the center of the hospital and was practically trapped on all four sides, surrounded by guards. To say that Carmilla was amused as Jordan was tackled to the ground by three overweight men, would be an understatement.

When night came, Carmilla realized Jordan wasn't only annoying, but she was also legitimately insane. The girl screamed her lungs out and banged her skull on the brick wall. 

Carmilla got fed up after she took her little escapade to the lobby of the unit and began flipping couches and badmouthing the nurses. Carmilla bit her tongue when Jordan started slamming doors, she clenched her fist when Jordan threw a chair. Her nails drew blood from her palms, knuckles paler than the hospital sheets. When she started cussing Carmilla out for being an 'emo bitch', no one bothered to grab her when she launched herself on the girl and pounded her face against the tiles. The staff just watched idly, either too worn out to fight or actually enjoying the view of watching Jordan from finally get what she deserved.

After a while she couldn't see anything but blinding tears. Carmilla wasn't sure exactly who she was punching for. Her annoyance with this new little brat or her anger towards her mother.

A pair of hands hauled her off the now black and blue body. For once in the last few hours, the unit was finally silent with the exception of a ticking clock on the wall, as if to remind them that time doesn't stop outside these cinderblock walls.

"That's enough, Karnstein."

"Oh shut it, Xena. She had it coming."

Danny hauled Carmilla to her feet, and shrugged. Grinning, "To be honest, I would've done it if you didn't beat me to the punch."

LaFontaine walks out of their room tugging Perry by the hand, they both seemed to be rubbing the sleep out of their eyes. 

"Oh, come on! Did I miss the action?!" LaF squatted down to examine Jordan's unconscious body, absently writhing in pain.

"Afraid so, my friend." A nurse sat Carmilla down at the only unturned table, wrapping her bloodied knuckles. 

"You guys gotta let me get a shot! I can take 'me!" LaFontaine punched the air for emphasis. 

"You're form's weak, kid. But you'll get them next time." Danny caught their fists with ease. "Now put those down before you hurt yourself!"

Carmilla laughed and caught her for a sloppy high five. She scuffed herself off and jumped to her feet. 

"I hope this punk's little incident doesn't cancel breakfast." Everyone knew Carmilla was a grumpy mess if she didn't get her morning supply of cookies and fruit punch. 

"For our sakes, I hope you're right. You start spouting philosophical bullshit." LaFontaine piped up.

Carmilla ruffled LaF's hair and shoved them towards Perry, who happily caught them in a tight embrace that was gracious accepted. 

Carmilla twisted her face in disgust at their shameless PDA. "Well I don't know about you bitches, but I'm going to sleep. It's 4:30 and I've only slept a good twenty minutes tonight."

"The vampire sleeps during the day! Blasphemy!"


	7. To the look on your face when I let you go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: self harm, depression and abuse.
> 
> Laura gets sent to a psychiatric hospital after she goes a little too far in mourning her mother's death. When she meets the mysterious Carmilla, maybe there is a little hope to start again. That is, if Carmilla's snarky remarks don't make her lose her mind.
> 
> Based mildly of my own experiences with mental hospitals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a lighthearted quickie for you lovelies! I really like writing banter, between any characters really. I find it fun to whip up jabs and teasing innuendos. Eh, the joys of writing!
> 
> Do me a favor and check out my buddy, killerlions' "Twice" on AO3. Real cute and gushy and fascinating! Much hollstein and teasing LaF:
> 
>  
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/3063872/chapters/6648590 
> 
> Yeah it's way more popular than mine, so it makes no sense to have a promo from me, but I honestly love it to death!
> 
> Oh and also just posted a Hollstein future doc that got a little messed up in the posting process but I fixed it, finally!!!
> 
> As always, drop a comment or some suggestions for next update!

It's been nine days since Laura made herself a member of Unit Twelve. It's rather strange, she almost feels like she has lived in this barren place for much more than that. It feels like months packed within these short hours.

Laura spends a lot of her time sleeping. It's a side effect of depression; you feel tired and drained like it's too much of a bother to do anything but marinate in the murky mess that we call memories. People who haven't experienced depression call it laziness, those who have it are too sunken in their heads to argue.

Life does come with distractions. She and Carmilla haven't spoken since their outbursts from group. It was four days ago, but Carmilla was as stubborn as she was sarcastic. If it was even possible. Laura occasionally bides her time by observing the girl, trying to form an apology. Carmilla definitely noticed Laura's incessant staring, but gives it no notice as she flicks though the pages of a large, leather bound book written in a language Laura couldn't understand.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer, creampuff." Carmilla shut the book and propped her head against the wall, not even glancing toward the other girl. She simply sighed as if disinterested, counting the dots on the ceiling. "What do you want from me, Laura?"

Laura? It was strange actually hearing it roll off Carmilla's tongue. More foreign that the text drawled on her aged Sumerian books.

Laura's mouth dried, blushing to have been caught.

"I, just... You never told me about your mother. Or anything really."

Carmilla scoffed, her face scrunching with disdain. "I'm not obligated to. Plus, what the frilly hell would I say? 'Oh yeah, by the way, my mommy was a lazy drunkard who gets her kicks by beating the shit out of me."

"A little information about you would've helped, Carm."

"I'm sorry, Your Highness! Next time I'll be sure to give you the royal treatment of dissecting my tragic back story!" Carmilla exaggeratedly bowed, spitting with such malice.

"I don't want to hear all of it, I just want to help!"

"I'm no one's pity party, cupcake! I'm sick of getting everyone's handouts! I'm a big girl, Sweetheart! I can take care of myself!" She practically marched out of the room, flipping the bird as she walked.

LaFontaine poked her head their head in, darting their eyes to the direction that Carmilla stormed off to terrorize and the spot where Laura sat, wide eyed. 

"If you're trying to woo her, you're going about it all wrong. Girls like it when you don't scream at them."

Laura flopped on the bed, burying her face in the lumpy hospital pillow. "What happened to her that she's just so angry at the world?!"

"Well, I told you to be extra careful with that one. She's right when she says 'tragic backstory'".

Laura quirks an eyebrow. LaFontaine starts it off. "Carmilla used to have a brother named Will. Loved the kid to death..."

-

Laura begins to wonder how LaF knew all this, but considering the duo has been in here for a little over 4 weeks; she's not surprised. Carmilla's life held so much agony that it sounded more like a dramatic soap opera, Laura almost doesn't want to believe it's true, it's filled with so much pain and guilt.

She's sure that her own parent would go through hell or high water for her. It's a little hard to imagine what it's like to have one who wouldn't even give you the time of day.

Laura sees Carmilla from a whole another perspective. "Wow, I see how that can harden a person. Maybe she's not just a snarky asshole with no soul. She's actually kind." Not that she wasn't completely sure of that, Carmilla was partially welcoming to her since day one. "I should go apologize."

"No need, cupcake. Simple misconception." Speak of the devil in the doorway.

LaF winked and scurries off to find Perry.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Since LaF stepped in the room; I forgot my book. I'm determined to finish it by Tuesday." Carmilla feigned busyness, shuffling through the shelves of her clothing. Her shirt lifted to reveal the jagged slashes adorning her back, Laura never gets used to the sight. Cross crossing, it seemed the wielder of the belt payed special attention to bone, Carmilla's spine being the most damaged. Laura always assumed Carmilla hobbled over because she wanted to appear tough, turns out she actually endured adversity to toughen her skin.

"I didn't mean to make you seem weak. I only wanted to make you feel less alone." Laura remembered the scars on both their wrists, meekly holding up her sweater sleeve. 

Carmilla genuinely smiled, the first time since Laura arrived. 

"I'm just a little hotheaded sometimes. Don't worry about it, cupcake." Her signature smirk crept back to her face. "So I hear you were caught in the Amazon's room."

Just like that, Carmilla closed off her soft side with her 'badass' persona. 

Laura blushes scarlet. "It wasn't like that. LaF was there, too."

It only added fuel to the fire, Carmilla quirks an eyebrow. 

"Two girls at once? That's some kinky shit, Hollis. Didn't know you had it in you!" 

At this point, Laura wishes she could dig a tunnel through the tile floor. She's blushing like mad by this point and Carmilla's shit eating grin is making none of this better. At this point, Laura is too flustered to prove her truth and resorts to curling into a ball to hide the embarrassment. Carmilla will never let her live it down, Laura already knows.

-

LaF retreated to Perry's after Carmilla returned to her own room. They bore a Cheshire grin as they rounded the corner to step into Perry's chamber. It was freakishly neat, anyone could've guessed that with her diagnosis, although the anxiety had only boosted the OCD to unnatural potential. Perry's bookshelves were usually re-alphabetized every afternoon at precisely 5 o'clock. It was 5:01 and the books lay skewed messily across the foot of the bed and Perry was sitting criss crossed, simply staring at them with a heavy intensity. Instantly, LaFontaine knew something was up. 

They were able to walk up right next to her without so much as a glance cast their way. It was eerily quiet, Perry's usual nervous chatter was silenced to deathly calm. 

"Perr?"

Just something to break the silence that consumed the girl cracked her. Perry sobbed into LaFontaine's sweatshirt. It was strange to see such raw emotion from her, even when Perry arrived she didn't do much as shed a tear. She was brave and trying to add some sort of normality to the hellish situation she'd been placed in. LaF loved that about her, the ability to just adapt rather than complain about it. Perry got things done, plain and simple. But now? Perry let herself do something selfish, actually for herself, just this once. No one was pleased with a crybaby. 

LaFontaine didn't question her tears, they only thumbed away the tears and planted gentle kisses on the corners of Perry's mouth. LaF loved the curl against their lips. No one but them could pick her up like this. It was easy to lose yourself in such affections; The rest of the world is white noise. Today, there was no curl against the soft kisses placed. Only a frown as sobs racked the young girl.  
Perry was trying to speak in between heaves for air, but it came out as muffled sobs. She hated crying, nothing productive came out of it, it was a waste of time and energy.

"Susan, I'm being discharged tomorrow. I just got off the phone with my foster mom."


	8. Mind is running in circles of you and me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: self harm, depression and abuse.
> 
> Laura gets sent to a psychiatric hospital after she goes a little too far in mourning her mother's death. When she meets the mysterious Carmilla, maybe there is a little hope to start again. That is, if Carmilla's snarky remarks don't make her lose her mind.
> 
> Based mildly of my own experiences with mental hospitals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've gotten a few anons on tumblr, whom of which I haven't had time to respond to , giving me hate that I am copying Fool's Gold?? I would like to say that, while we both deal with the same issues, they're entirely different. I would say the only similarity is the problems they face. Now, I'm not angry by any means, it's just a little hard to hear. I know that there are a lot of you out there that actually enjoy the story, so I guess I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. Happy reading, friends! - E

It was the first time in a while that Laura got the room to herself, Carmilla had sauntered off to taunt someone else and sprinkle them with an endless list of nicknames. So, Laura was able to do what she did best, grieve. Her mother was her best friend. Needless to say, Laura had a hard time dealing with finding out her mother bled out in the street from some idiot in a drunken hit and run. It was a hard pill to swallow; harder than the three penny sized antidepressants they force fed her daily.

It wasn't on purpose at first, but as Laura lived in painful memories, she clung to her wrists, leaving fresh marks on the blank flesh canvas. She trashed and tore across with her nails. By the end she didn't even notice the new drips of blood spouting, all she could see was her mother's bloodied face and feel the fresh tears stain her cheeks.

-

 

-

Carmilla sat in the commons room of the unit with her boots propped up on the nurses desk, chewing on a pen while watching LaFontaine practically engulfing Perry with their body. It was heartbreaking to see LaF sob into Perry's shoulder, yet extremely annoying to have to listen to their cries with nothing to drown it out but cranking the volume on the TV. The nine o'clock cartoons were not helping, at all. 

The poor kid hated to see Perry go, but that's just how life works in these God forsaken places. You meet someone, bond with them, promise to see them on the outside, exchange numbers, and then never see them again. Carmilla has seen it happen almost a thousand times, but it never gets any easier to let a good friend go. It's selfish but Carmilla almost wishes she could stay.

Typically Carmilla never associated with other girls on the unit. She knew it would be pointless to form a connection with someone who she'd never see later. It was just something about everyone here that said it might be worth while, this time around. Carmilla had heard bits and bobs of everyone's stories. Even if it's nothing compared to hers, they were still so calm despite this situation. Maybe it's the plethora of antidepressants the doctors heave at them. Or maybe enough shit has happened to them, they've reached the point where it just doesn't phase them. 

-

When LaFontaine wasn't attached to Perry by the hip, they were busy blubbering to Danny in their shared bedroom, stuffing their face with the pudding cups they'd been pretty much stockpiling in their sock drawer since Day 1.

"It's not fucking fair! What the hell are these doctors thinking?! She's not ready to be out there!" LaF spouts out, vanilla pudding dribbling down their chin. They were in the middle of ranting, waving a spoon around.

"She's not ready? Or you're not ready for her to go?" Danny was tuned out at this point, building a card castle at the foot of LaF's bed. The conversation had been circling around with the same questions for a good hour now and by now, Danny was as fed up as LaF was with pudding. It can not be healthy to eat twelve pudding cups in a row and still wish to keep going. "Ease up on those, aren't you lactose intolerant?"

"Aren't you going to miss Perry too?!"

"We all will, but eventually, we all will have to leave this place. Aren't you excited to get out?? It's not like Willow Creek can be your safe haven forever."

"I can dream can't I?"

-

LaFontaine stared out on the road, propping up their nearly empty bottle of jack on the wheel. LaF's logic was if they could finish of the bottle, the bruises those Neanderthals left them would magically fade faster. Sober, this seemed like a dumbass plan. Completely smashed? LaFontaine felt like a fucking genius as they swerved down the neighborhood streets, with perfect little households with perfect families with perfect lives, adorned the brisk, night air. 

LaF haphazardly cut around a corner while draining the last drops. More focused on frowning at their empty glass, LaFontaine didn't even notice the car bump or the trail of blood now smearing on the pavement. They just kept driving and cracked open the emergency pack of beer in the backseat.


	9. Are you sleeping baby by yourself?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: self harm, depression and abuse.
> 
> Laura gets sent to a psychiatric hospital after she goes a little too far in mourning her mother's death. When she meets the mysterious Carmilla, maybe there is a little hope to start again. That is, if Carmilla's snarky remarks don't make her lose her mind.
> 
> Based mildly of my own experiences with mental hospitals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! I've got back my mojo for this story! And to all of you regarding LaF and Laura... That'll be next chapter. ;) 
> 
> And I know it's nothing like Fool's Gold, but anons will be anons sometimes. Block the haters! 
> 
> Thank you all for the love on the story. The comments really do make my day! So be sure to drop one below and I'll most likely reply.

It was 4 am on the unit, everyone was either dozed off, awake, or in the horrifying states in between. Carmilla sat next to the barred up windows, wondering about the life beyond the barbed wire fence. It had been 3 weeks since she's stepped out onto the city streets. Three weeks since she's allowed herself to own up to the mistakes of her past.

Laura was thrashing in her bed, the mother in her dreams reaching out her hand, but never quite close enough to grab hold. Her mother called out to her, but the sound was muffled, as if something heard underwater.

Danny tightly gripped her ears, silently sobbing as the voices of the ones she once called 'friends' pounded her with hateful slurs. They screamed and clawed at her mind, marring the barely healed scars that lie.

LaFontaine had snuck into Perry's room for her last night at the hospital. The two were entangled limbs cuddled up on the tiny cot. Whispers of "I love you" and promises of forever wisp through the thin space between them. But, even promises must be broken at some point.

Perry was crying, her only grip on reality was her entangled fingers in the hem of LaFontaine's shirt. The life that awaited her on the outside was filled with hellish disarray. Here, with LaFontaine, the only thing she had to listen to was the calming, orderly beat of their heart. Their breathing was even, in and out. Breaths sighing in time to the chilly hospital room.

LaFontaine was simply holding her close, it might be the last time. After exchanging numbers and addresses, they learned that Perry's foster family lived four hours away. LaFontaine needed someone constant, not someone through a phone call miles away. But, Perry was.. Well Perry. They loved her, with everything. Could they do a long distance relationship? Or was it time to call it quits? End things while they were ahead?

LaFontaine shook it off, they could cross that bridge when they got there.

-

Carmilla was becoming concerned with Laura's restless slumber when the girl started legitimately weeping in her sleep. Her perch on the window sill was becoming comfy, but Laura's cries were breaking the peace.

"Laura, hey. You alright?" Carmilla said, lightly shaking her shoulder. She hesitated before deciding, to hell with it, and thumbed away the quick rushing tears dropping. She was a little shocked when the girl shot up and wrapped her arms tightly around Carmilla's waist. 

God, this reminded her of Will when he woke up in early hours of the night, bloodshot eyes conveying the pain in his lungs. Carmilla felt guilty that she couldn't fix it, she couldn't end his suffering. The pained look in Laura's eyes, was the same. Searching for something hopeful, Carmilla never ceased to feel the burning intensity.

They stay like this for a while. Carmilla's shoulder is soaked with Laura's tears and the smaller girl still lays with her chin propped up on her shoulder, hiccuping from her sobs.

"I see her, Carmilla. My mom. She's reaching out to me, she keeps trying to tell me something, but I can't get close enough to hear it."

"What do you think it is, cupcake?"

Laura sighs and unwraps from the embrace. She scoots back until they sits criss crossed, Carmilla adjusts to lean back, flustered from their previous position. 

Laura scratches her head. "I don't know, maybe my mind wants a goodbye? Closure possibly? The last thing I said to her was that I hated her. I never got to fix it." Her voice waivers, suddenly taking interest in a loose thread on her sweater.

"I know what you mean, last time I saw my mom, CPS was dragging me out of the house." Carmilla shrugged casually, but Laura could tell she hated talking about it.

"We got in a fight, the night she died.   
I said some things I shouldn't have, after I got home late on a Friday night, I went out with a couple friends. My mom stepped out to get some air and some asshole driver struck her in the street." Laura scrunched her eyebrows. "The prick didn't even stop to help, just drove off."

Carmilla looked generally curious. "Did you always fight with your mom? You strike me as the "frolicking in the meadow, picking flowers with mummy" kind of girl."

Laura scoffed, picturing her skipping like an idiot. "Ha, I was more of a daddy's little girl. But family is family, you know? You can hate them all you want, but you always end up caring somehow."

"I wouldn't know. Hated my mom and always will, sweetheart. I won't forgive her for what she's done." Carmilla goes to turn on the light and sticks a toothbrush in her mouth, clearly done talking about the woman who ruined her life.

\- 

Danny was curled in a ball, blanket tightly wound around her shoulders as she shivered on the tile floor. Her eyes were bloodshot with fear of falling asleep and hearing the voices taunting her. It was almost time for the nurses to wake them up, but Danny hadn't slept a wink.

She could see them smashing her with insults, even her own boyfriend. Well, ex boyfriend. After Danny became the school punching bag, he was quick to hook up with the captain of the softball team.

Hmph, they were probably prom king and queen by now.

Her mind kept drifting to her little brother back home. When Danny's parents came during visiting hours, they told her Jamie finally grew in his front teeth. Apparently, he started crying when he couldn't whistle through the gap anymore. The poor kid thinks she's at some summer camp.

Danny forgets what it was like to be innocent like a child. You can't see the evil the world has in store. In this hospital, you can pretend to be that young child who still believed that life held something more than pain. You can pretend your problems don't exist, for a moment.

She stretches and crawls off the floor, back sore from the rough ground. Shuffling to the commons, Danny throws on a forced smile to start the day. 

-

Breakfast was tense, to say the least. Danny had passed out in a bowl of cereal, Laura's eyes were still red, LaF and Perry secretly held hand underneath the table to hide it from the nurses, and Carmilla went about plucking food from everyone's untouched food.

The only one smiling was Carmilla's joyful grin, mouth stuffed with chocolate chip muffins.

"Alright, cupcakes. What the frilly hell is this?"

Everyone looked at Carmilla through bleary eyes. They either looked sad or just flat out exhausted.

"I know we're in a mental hospital, but it doesn't give you hooligans an excuse to mope around! Look, We've got food on our plates, a roof on our heads, and actual air conditioning. Some of us didn't have this shit at home, be grateful." Carmilla saunters off with her four muffins.

Nurse Diane looks up from her Candy Crush game, "Ms. Karnstein you know you can't take those to your room." 

"I've been here for three fucking weeks, let my one minute of happiness be these carbs for once in my life!" She continues walking, flipping the bird with a muffin hanging out of her mouth.

-

It was around 9 o'clock when Perry's parents showed up to sign discharge papers. LaF helped Perry fold her clothes at throw them in a plastic bag while her parents chatted with the doctor. They both had a wordless system: fold, stare, throw. Nothing in between. When Perry finally ran out of turtlenecks and button up shirts to fold, LaF plopped on the foot of the bed, pulling Perry down with them.

"Susan, I haven't finished packing yet!" Her voice didn't sound all that convincing as she melted in the embrace.

There's a comfortable silence before LaF remembers a question they've had on their mind for days. "Promise you'll call me in here on the outside? There's only so much Carmilla and Danny I can handle before could completely losing my mind."

"Of course. When are they letting you out?"

LaFontaine sighs, "Whenever Dr. Dean decides I won't OD the second I step out of this joint."

Perry looked hurt. "You won't will you? I'd be right behind you if you did." 

LaFontaine was a little shocked, but touched more than anything. It was strange to have someone care so much. It didn't help the ebbing pain in their heart.

"You about finished, Perry? Your parents are ready for you!" The doctor called from the Nurse's station. 

Actual fear filled Perry's eyes before sitting up and going to grab her bags. She was generally afraid to face the real world. Quickly she sneaked a kiss on the corner of LaF's mouth before rushing to meet her foster parents.

"I love you, Susan!"

-

Laura plopped down in the TV room after Danny mumbled an excuse and headed to her room. There was only so much Disney movies a girl could take before losing her mind.

Carmilla had disappeared with about a day's worth of calories. It was strange considering she never ate half the time, instead handing out her food and jamming out on the piano in the cafeteria.

She's been acting strange lately, well as normal as one can be when she climbs on top of the nurse's station to take a nap on a daily basis. More often than not, Laura wakes up from a night terror to find Carmilla reading in the dark or watching the window. She supposed the girl ran out of space in her journal, as Carmilla started scribbling scrunched nonsense in vacant pages of her philosophy books. The growing stack of hidden snacks in Carmilla's clothing shelf seemed to push it, but Laura really couldn't blame her. If ten days in this hell hole seemed absurd, three weeks must've been the definition of insanity. How her and LaF haven't completely lost their minds seemed like a feat in of itself. Danny just working on two weeks, this simulated reality was taking its toll.

-

LaFontaine pathetically moped their way to dinner. Only speaking in group when asked, minimally applying effort in activities. The poor kid was a mess. Perry didn't even say goodbye, she just got up and ran out. 

The only time the kid smiled all day was when the nurses called them over for an incoming call.

"Hey, Perr? Can you tell me how the sun felt outside? I think I forgot."

An airy chuckle breaks through the line. "Well, warm I suppose." LaFontaine could hear the grin on her voice. 

-

Carmilla glanced around, making sure everyone was preoccupied, before sneaking off to the spare pay phone and dialing up the number she had scribbled on a scrap of paper.

"Hello, Dad?" At this point, Carmilla figured the man deserved the title with everything he's done for her.

"Carmilla! I was going to call soon! Your siblings want to visit soon, are you alright with that?"

Carmilla genuinely smiled. Over the past year, the little gremlins had really grown on her. "As long as JP shows me the comic he's been working on. What's it about this time? A man with the ability to shapeshift into a fish out of water?"

"Close! It's a paraplegic vigilante."

"That boy is really something. Good kid you got there, Sherry." Carmilla had a thing for nick naming every thing under the sun, although Sheridan to Sherry wasn't her proudest work. "Anyway, Dad I actually had a reason for calling. How come I wasn't released last week? Doctor Dean said you came in last Thursday and signed the discharge papers."

For the first time during the call, Officer Sheridan was all business.

"About that, Carmilla... You might be in the for just a little bit longer. It would be safer for you to just stay put."

Carmilla's brow creased. "What do you mean?"

"Your mother has been looking for you. She found out our address, claiming if I don't hand you over, she'll just take you herself."

What?

"She's been at the house almost every day, but I can't find the legal matter to take her down yet. Until I do, I want you right where you are. I don't want my daughter being the victim of a kidnapping case."

Carmilla felt numb. Officer Sheridan arrested her, how is she out of jail? "Ah, um, yeah. Are you guys okay out there?"

"We're fine, but right now you're my first priority. Alright?"

What the frilly hell?, Carmilla thought.


	10. Yeah it took me some time but I figured it out.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: self harm, depression and abuse.
> 
> Laura gets sent to a psychiatric hospital after she goes a little too far in mourning her mother's death. When she meets the mysterious Carmilla, maybe there is a little hope to keep going. That is, if Carmilla's snarky remarks don't make her lose her mind.
> 
> Based mildly of my own experiences with mental hospitals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally rounded up some time because I'm sick! It's been real, I tell you! This is a quick little chappy for anyone who's been waiting.
> 
> Enjoy!

Danny slumped about the unit, wrapped tightly in a blanket her parents brought her, until the doctor called her in his office.

She always hated doctor's offices; they were cold, sterile, intensely industrial. Danny absolutely loathed the white wallpapers and marbled flooring. Who the hell makes a room entirely white? Dr. Kirsch sat at his desk in a lab coat... drawing? Danny plopped in a chair in front of him and confirmed that, yes, the grown man was drawing a flower. She hid a smirk in her blanket as the man finally noticed her presence, holding up his parchment with a puppy dog grin, wire rimmed glasses slipping down his nose.

"Hi! I'm Doctor Kirsch! PhD in psychology and occasional patient transport driver! Although that's a side." He pipes up, a playful wink to top it all off.

Danny scoffs, maybe it was the gloomy air or the fact that she was pmsing that she practically dripped with sarcasm. "Well it be a bloody waste to go to school for that long to be a glorified bus driver."

If he was offended, Dr. Kirsch didn't let on. "To be honest, I spent most of college at frat parties. The boys loved my Bailey's shakes. Mason jars topped with mint sprigs? Awesome! But.. Underage drink is bad, uh, don't do it!" He wagged his finger but his argument was unconvincing.

The man was a literal puppy in his late twenties.

Danny just snuggled deeper in the wool draped around her. "Is there a reason for calling me in here or are you just here to be a dork questioning my life choices?" She shut her eyes, yearning be in her bed back home rather than talk to this idiot.

"Actually I'm here to discuss medication adjustment. How do you feel about a dose increase? The way you're moping around, I think a pick me up will help your recovery."

Danny forgot the man actually had a doctorate degree. He was in fact, not an idiot at all. 

"What do you mean? I've been doing fine with 10 mg."

Dr. Kirsch just quirked an eyebrow and did a quick once over of Danny's lazy form slouched in his office chair wearing ducky pajamas. The bags under her eyes did nothing but assuredly prove his point. 

"Well, shit." Danny muttered under her breath. 

Dr. Kirsch just chuckled and penned out a prescription. "Alright, tall hottie, looks like we're done for the day. I'll check up in two days to see how this dose treats you. Could you hand this to the nurse on your way out?"

Danny just swiped the paper and grumbled towards the door.

-

Carmilla was nose deep in a new book, German this time. Laura was reading up on a health magazine all about bike safety and pescetarianism. It was painfully silent until Laura got bored of staring at Tupperware collection ads. 

"So, whatcha reading?"

Carmilla sighed and dog-eared the page before turning to face the tiny girl.

"I'd give you the name but you, cupcake, have probably never read books in German."

Laura raised her hands up in surrender. "So what do you want to do today? LaFontaine is most likely moping and reading Perry's love notes while Danny is probably sleeping until the nurses force her up."

Carmilla toyed with the worn laces of her boots. "No offense, creampuff, but I can only handle solely your company in small doses. Our pillow talks are exceptions because I hate sleeping on this pitiful excuse of a mattress."

"None taken, I probably do the same." Sending a playful jab at her ribs. Carmilla returned the gesture with a glare that could scar a person for life.

Carmilla loosed the death stare and just sighed. "I hate to say it, but I could use something other than the comfort of books for once. What do you say we round up Xena and Bunsen Burner?"

Laura hopped up and squealed with joy. "Let's go then!" She pressed a quick kiss to Carmilla's cheek and grabbed the brunette's hand, ushering them out the door. She was too caught up in excitement to notice Carmilla's face as they rushed down the hall.

No, Carmilla cannot be going soft. "Get it together, you're supposed to be a badass!" She scolded herself. "Eyeliner and leather boots, eyeliner and leather boots, eyeliner and Laura. Wait what?"

-

Danny curled in a lounge chair in the TV room, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. "I fucking hate you guys sometimes. Why do we have to do this?"

LaF just grunted in agreement, eyes red from a lack of sleep, or perhaps a bit of tears.

"I was bored and we haven't seen either of you for two days." Laura shrugged.

Carmilla walks in, arms stuffed with papers, pencils and at least five different board games. 

"Alright hooligans, I got chewed up jenga, five pieces of some jigsaw puzzle, and a shitload of coloring books. Who's down?"

-

With some dividing and conquering, they all manage to fill out an entire Dora the Explorer coloring book. After some convincing from Laura, the girls resorted to a game of Truth or Dare.

LaF frowned into their styrofoam cup of water. "We can't play this without alcohol. It's inhumane!"

Danny and Carmilla mumbled their agreement. 

Danny looks up from biting out a chunk of her cup, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but let's replace the alcohol with water."

"Alright! I'm okay with that!" Laura sways happily in her seat. 

"Please, cupcake. You're only happy because a vodka shot would reduce you to tears." Laura batted Carmilla with the back of her hand.

"I'll have you know I drank... A lot at parties and, uh, stuff!"

Carmilla quirked an eyebrow. " and stuff? What the frilly hell does that mean? Did you do body shots?!"

Danny laughed for the first time since they all sat down. It felt good to just relax with friends, good memories work well to mask the bad. If only for a moment.

Laura was blushing scarlet. "Ah, uh, Danny! Truth or dare?"

Danny slouched down to the point where she was even smaller than Laura. "I'm too lazy to get up so, truth." 

Laura honestly didn't expect anyone to pick truth. "Hmm, who was your first kiss?"

Danny's carefree grin hardened. "I didn't have one voluntarily, my first kiss was forced by a bunch of drunken idiots."

The air felt so tense, you could cut it with a knife. 

LaF was one more for fact than emotion. "You said you were here for ADHD. Why do I feel like it's something else?" 

"I was at a party, drunk off my ass. Then the lacrosse team pulled me in a room and... Well, the rest is history."

LaF seemed to soak this in. "Well, to be honest. I lied too." They seemed to look anywhere but a tiny brunette, eyes settling on a button of Carmilla's flannel. 

"Well, spit it out, Einstein." Carmilla more interested in pulling out a loose thread than partake in the serious conversation. She, at least, was honest in her stay.

"I was drunk too, I was caught for DUI... And hit and run. The police dragged me in after they caught me wrapped around a post with blood all over my tires."

Laura was staring at her, with a strange look plastered on her face. "It.. It was you wasn't it?"

"Laur-"

You're the idiot who was speeding around at night?! Why didn't you help her? Did you not see a woman smashing into your windshield! You didn't even stop to check!" Laura was face to face with them, fingers bunched in their sweater. She spoke up lowly. "She's dead because of you, I hope you find a way to live with that, because I sure as hell wouldn't be able to."

Laura bust out the door, Carmilla trailing fast behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oopth?
> 
> Share your thoughts in the comments!


	11. Every corner, calling out your name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: self harm, depression and abuse.
> 
> Laura gets sent to a psychiatric hospital after she goes a little too far in mourning her mother's death. When she meets the mysterious Carmilla, maybe there is a little hope to keep going. That is, if Carmilla's snarky remarks don't make her lose her mind.
> 
> Based mildly of my own experiences with mental hospitals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh! I rewrote this chapter a good eight times, before i finally settled on how I wanted to write it. I wanted to stress the closeness of the girls because it's very important. This is a very heavy chapter so look out and enjoy!
> 
> The titles of each chapter are taken from One Direction's "Where Do Broken Hearts Go?"

Laura started slamming her fists against the brick wall. Her eyes were brimming with fresh tears, be it from her newly cracked knuckles or absolute rage.

She bashed a shoulder against the door, it was difficult to tell if the crack that ran through the air was from shattering bone or splitting wood.

"Let us out, you sons of bitches!"

Carmilla had never seen this side of Laura, it didn't suit her. The fiery expression, the recklessness, the tense jaw. It reminded her of her past self. Carmilla didn't like this demon that possessed Laura. This Laura was dangerous.

"Cupcake, they won't let you out if you announce your desire to smash another patient's face in." Carmilla had a cool, collected tone, but she was anything but that. It was scary seeing such a side of the other girl. It reminded her of Maman.

Laura's eyes flashed with anger, and a hint of annoyance. 

"Then why are you here?"

"You wouldn't hit me, cutie." Carmilla paused, considering her next words carefully. "People make mistakes. It's what makes us human. LaFontaine is a good person, you know that. One wrong doesn't erase their lifetime of rights."

Laura considered this, pocketing her bruised hands in her sweatpants. Her breathing slowly steadying from frantic panting to even breaths.

She puts a hand on the back of her neck and offers weak side smile. "You're so full of philosophical bullshit. It makes you look like you're 700, not 17."

"Ah, but either way, at the tender age of 700, I still couldn't get a license because of my paranoid father."

Laura could imagine some elderly lady heading into the DMV and being denied because of her father's very descriptive will.

"At least your father doesn't let you use anything but safety scissors."

Carmilla leaned back further into the headboard. "Eh, for self harmers, the motto is 'where there's a will, there's a way.'" 

They sat in a comfortable silence before Carmilla broke it. "So, take it easy on LaFontaine. They're a great kid. We're still in high school, there'll be mistakes made. It doesn't mean we're not sorry about them."

Laura just stared at her blankly, fighting off a grin.

Carmilla sat up, propped up on her elbows. "Don't look at me like that, I read a lot. It'd be a miracle if I never picked up on the text every once in a while."

Their banter continued like this while Carmilla broke out the deck of cards. Laura actually enjoyed spending time with Carmilla. Sure, she was annoying, pessimistic, and a little too hotheaded, but Laura knew that underneath Carmilla's tough exterior was someone with a genuinely good heart. She just didn't like to show it, or forgets it even exists.

-

LaFontaine paced around the bathroom. They could do it now, no one has come to check on them in a couple minutes. It's the perfect time really. Although, in a hospital bathroom wasn't exactly the poetic destination LaF had imagined. But, here they were, hastily scribbling out a note to the friends and a love they inevitably leave behind.

There's was a soft knock on the door followed by a yawn from Danny.

"LaF? You in there, I really have to pee."

They ran a hand the short ginger locks and frantically scrambled to back preparations. LaF began wringing the end of their shirt, kneading the fabric into an awkward lump.

"Just a second! Can I just get you from the room when I'm finished?"

Danny's shadow disappeared from beneath the line of sight from the door and LaF knew they had to make this quick now. It was now or never.

-

Danny came back after squirming restlessly, waiting for LaFontaine. Eventually, she just gave up and prepared to rap her knuckles against the door when she heard it. A guttural choking, and what sounded like strangled weeping.

She was afraid now. "LaFontaine?!"

No response.

"Come on. open the door this isn't funny!"

There was a large thud on the other side of the block of wood dividing them.

Danny was banging violenty, calling out the buzzed hair ginger. That was her friend in there, one of the only that didn't turn and run when they learned how fucked up she was. She couldn't lose them.

-

"Code Blue: Unit Twelve." Blared over the intercom.

Carmilla glanced up and twisted her brow. She knew code greens were fights, but what were code blues?

Danny shot through door, behind her paramedics were pushing and shoving her in the door. Behind her, stretchers were being wheeled, men with first aid kits and body bags sprinted by.

"Ma'am! You need to get inside! This emergency is restricted to purely staff members."

"I don't understand why I can't see them, they're my fucking friend!" Danny crumpled on the floor and just slammed a fist against the linoleum floor.

Carmilla laid down her hand of cards and stood up to go meet her. 

"What the hell is going on out there, Xena?"

"It's LaFontaine! Something happened in the bathroom and these assholes won't let me see them!"

Carmilla hopped up and trotted over to the madness. It was pandemonium. A huge swarm of people crowded the restroom door, ramming it down. Carmilla pushed through the sea of bodies desperately attempting to reach LaFontaine.

The men trying to ram the door stepped to the side to try to consult and find the best way to free them. 

She only scoffed and stole one of their credit cards and jammed it in the lock, wriggling it free.

Inside looked like the scene of a murder. Carmilla had seen an abundance of fucked up things but nothing could prepare her for this.

Someone was sobbing in the shower as water streamed recklessly, painting the filthy, off white tiles.

The shower curtain had crashed and was now broken unevenly into two plastic pipes. The curtain itself wrapped tightly around the young body's neck, of which was bent at an unnatural degree.

"LaF?"

Pain streaked their features, simply looking at the leather clad girl.

"It didn't work, it didn't work..." They mindlessly repeated, like a broken record.

Carmilla took a hand and carefully pushed back their fringe. Life in the unit was seldom normal. A failed hanging in the bathroom? It's just another day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no, LaF! But Big Sister Carmilla to the rescue. Share your thoughts or ask a question or leave a suggestion for future chapters on the comments or on my tumblr:
> 
> http://erroneousblog.tumblr.com/


	12. Author's Note!

Hey friends! I know I haven't updated this in a while, but there is reason. I haven't been feeling well recently. I've been feeling more depressed and my therapists are working with me on that. I haven't felt very motivated to write this, but have no fear! I will continue to write this! I just need some time to get my mental health in check, so you guys can get yourselves the best reading material possible. So like Zayn Malik, I'm leaving the band to get myself together. ( except I'm not leaving you guys for a douchebag producer). ;)

 

So anyways, I will continue to write. Probably when season 2 of carmilla comes out. Or if you guys ask, I'll post the chapter I have in the works as of now before the new season airs.

Hope you guys understand.

Love, E.


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